I wonder about things.
Usually pretty insignificant things, but they keep me occupied when I’m driving and the radio isn’t of interest, or my husband’s asleep in the passenger seat, vehemently denying it by repeating, “I’m not sleeping!” So how come they can hear him snoring in Wakefield?
That’s when I let my mind wander, and I wonder. And one of the things I’ve wondered about for years is those bizarre calendar “holidays” that we quite often have foisted on us by the media. It’s “National Donut Day.” Or “Be Kind to Squirrels Week,” or as was the case this past week on April 8, “National Empanada Day.” Who comes up with these, and moreover, why should we care? With the pandemic upon us, we hear a lot about “herd immunity,” right? Well, this appears to be a case of “herd mentality.”
There are literally hundreds of them if you do some research, and sometimes more than one “holiday” on a single day, so I’ve extracted some of the more “out there” ones to see what you think. I promise you they are real, which is frightening in and of itself.
April 9 was “National Name Yourself Day.” If you took it seriously, perhaps you named yourself “Wackadoo.” Today, my friends, April 11 is both “National Cheese Fondue Day” and also “National Eight-Track Tape Day.” If you remember eight-tracks, smile, then try to explain it to your child or grandchild who will, no doubt in return, reply with “National Roll Your Eyes at a Grownup Day.” Tomorrow, the 12th, I could really embrace, for it’s “National Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day” which I celebrate quite often.
Tuesday the 13th is “National Scrabble Day,” another fave of mine, and Wednesday — ready for this — is “National Ex-Spouse Day.” I wonder what you do to commemorate? Send your ex three-day-old flowers or do a happy dance? This coming Thursday is a biggie: “National Rubber Eraser Day.” Who uses an eraser any more when you can touch a button and delete? Next Friday, April 16 is “National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day.” Uh, isn’t that what many of us have been doing for the last year anyway? April 20 brings “Lima Bean Respect Day” to the forefront of everyone’s mind. How the hell do you show respect to a lima bean? The holiday on April 22 we’ve heard about for years is “National Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day,” except right now that means escorting them just a few feet from the kitchen to the dining room. Two days thereafter is “National Sense of Smell Day” (as I said before, who comes up with this stuff?), followed on the 25th with “National Hug a Plumber Day.” Is that before or after they bend over?
The last day of April has been reserved for “National Hairball Awareness Day.” In our house that could be any day, one our cats celebrate with wild abandon. Looking ahead to May, on the 6th it’s “World Password Day” when the whole world is told “your password can’t be ‘password,’” or “you need 12 characters of which two must be capitalized, one a symbol, three from the Hebrew alphabet ....”
Ah, Sunday May 9, “National Lost Sock Memorial Day,” which coincidentally this year falls on Mother’s Day. So do Mom a favor and keep her sane by buying only one-color socks. And how in the world do you hold a memorial for a lost sock anyway? The 16th of May is “Honor Our LGBT Elders Day.” Why just the elders? Respect is respect. The 16th is also “National Piercing Day,” and I don’t even want to comment on that. Are you supposed to get one yourself or respect the guy with the studs in his nose and lips? May 27 is “National Grape Popsicle Day,” but they don’t seem to have a holiday set aside for the other flavors. Must give cherry and orange a complex.
I could go on and on, which is probably where that phrase “ad nauseam” came from. I looked up some more and saw “National Bloody Mary Day,” altogether not a bad idea; “Buy a Scarecrow Day;” “Flitch Day” ... YOU look that one up; and “International Talk Like a Pirate Day.” Sadly, there are many more.
So today I end with a new idea. How about just, “Enjoy Your Day, Day?” Has a nice ring, don’t you think?
Rona Mann has been a freelance writer for The Sun for 19 years, including her “In Their Shoes” features. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or 401-539-7762.